Monday, April 10, 2006

KH2: Plot Update part 2 (Hollow Bastion, Space Paranoids, Hollow Bastion Heartless War)

Then it's off to Hollow Bastion for a reunion. Between Cloudspawn and his Daddy.

Look, Dad, we're both dressed in our new black outfits.

I jest, there's no acknowledgement of parenthood. That would spoil it.

But AC Cloud is there. You're thinking AC Cloud who the master of aerial attacks who fights with two swords sometimes, but that's not the AC Cloud we meet. We meet whiny emo AC Cloud who's all "meh, must fight Sephiroth, I blame all my emo on him." He tells Sora to let him know if he sees Sephiroth. (Apparently Sephiroth clones look for the black materia, Cloudspawn look for Sephiroth.)

Then in the castle, they meet AC Tifa who's all "Hey I'm looking for a guy with spikey hair." Cue me going "...she means Cloud, but she's totally looking right at the Cloudspawn as she says it." Cue Donald and Goofy both turning to look at Sora. And Sora tugging on the mark of his Cloudspawn-ness, his growing out Cloud Strife hair style. Best moment in the game to that point, even more funny to me that Hades finger-flicking him to the floor. Then Mickey comes back, gives Sora the Master Drive Form, and runs off to fight heartless.

Anyway some stuff happens, they get sucked into a computer and it's all TRON. Which is amazing, because Sora looks hysterical in his Tron get-up. His hair sticks out the sides of the helmet like crazy wings.

Tell me his hair doesn't crack you up.

Whoo, anyway, after the first bit of Tron, you get my favorite Disney character, Stitch, as a summon.

Sora and Stitch understand each other,
because they're both highly destructive lab experiments
gone right who just want to find someone to love them.

Then some more Tron.

After all that, it's back to H.B. where you meet Sephiroth outside. He's nicer to Sora than Cloud was. It ranks up there with the weird x-scarfaced silver haired member of Org. XIII being all "hey, Sora, you just keeping fighting those heartless."

But the part that really makes me wtf isnt that Sephiroth is nicer to Sora than Cloud. Cloud's a jerk after all, that's well-established. No, what makes me WTH is when Donald and Goofy declare Sephiroth looks like Cloud.

Funny, I always thought Sora looked more
like Cloud than Sephiroth does.

After a little squirmish with some Nobodies, there's a whole lot of cut scenes of various FF character fighting heartless. Cloud and Squall/Leon have a very Brokeback moment (thanks to Chris for forever ruining this scene for me.)

You and everyone else, Squall.

Then Cloud fights Sephiroth, and Seph reveals that he is the darkness in Cloud's hair and it's all very symbolic and touching. If you can manage to stop giggling over the Cloud/Squall scene.

After that, you disobey Mickey and rush off to fight. Only Demyx shows up and is all "hey, how's it hanging?" and tries to be nice, but Sora and Donald are having none of it. (They aren't fooled, they only take compliments from Silver-haired villians.) Thus, Demyx is all "Silence, Traitor" pointing the Finger of Accusation at Sora (who's all WTH?)

And you have to fight him. Which I can't get past because you have to do this stupid "destroy X number of things in X number of seconds" and if I get past that, he wipes the floor with Sora when I then try to beat him.

All screenshots came from Kingdom Hearts Ultimania.

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