Friday, May 05, 2006

KH2: Sora shouldn't sing, either

29.5 hrs hours into the game.

Worlds passed through:
Prologue (with Roxas)
Twilight Town
The Tower of New Shiny Clothes
Hollow Bastion
The Land of Dragons
Beast's Castle
Brief return to H.B./100 Acre Wood
Olympus Stadium
Disney Castle
Timeless River
Another stop at 100 Acre Wood
Port Royale
Olympus Tournament 1
Twilight Town
Hollow Bastion
Hollow Bastion Heartless War
100 Acre Woods
Land of Dragons
100 Acre Woods
Beast's Castle
Port Royale
Halloween Town
100 Acre Woods
Pride Lands
100 Acre Woods
Atlantica First Chapter
Atlantica Second Chapter
MiniGullwings in H.B.
Atlantica Third Chapter
Pride Lands
Atlantica Fourth Chapter

Atlantica (This Had Better Be The) Final Chapter

Worlds Remaining: 4 (Hollow Bastion, Tron 2, Twilight Town, & the Land of Boss Fights)

Plot Points:
Y'know, I'm running out of worlds... and the guidebook says if I want the OMGWTFBBQAMAZINGSHHHHSECRETBOSS Keyblade Sora has to be at level 60 or something. How am I supposed to get him up 13 levels? It takes an hour of wandering around smacking things to get him to go up one.

In fear that Pride Lands and Atlantica might make a return in KH3 (yes, there are rumors of it being in production, and Square/BVG would have to be stupid not to continue with a series that's making them so much money,) with the aid of my friend Chris, we've complied a list of substitute worlds:
The Emperors New Groove (llama sora)
The Black Cauldron
Cindrella (Sora has to help her get her chores done in time for the ball.)
The electric light parade level (where you go blind)
The Matterhorn (where you have to fight the heartless yeti)
Its a small world level (with heartless dutch children)
the shaggy dog/flubber level
Sora and Cloud take part in the Freaky Friday level.

...and for your reminder about Old Walt not being a nice man:
"They could always do a Song of the South level."
"yes sora becomes a tar baby and uses a racist keyblade"
"I think they'd refer to it as "Anti-Form." "

Plot. Right. I should pretend Pride Lands had some relevant plot, but that would reek of justifying why it was in the game.

It was lame and I hate Lion Sora so very very much. Almost as much as I hate Square/BVG for trying to brainwash me into liking the concept. Simba was doing a Cloud Strife impression (re: sulking around and occasionally telling Sora that he couldn't fathom the depths of his emo.) Or wondering what Vadar would have done to get rid of the Scar ghosts.

The ghosts appeared in a Organization XIII-ish doom oily black void of reality. But they were not from Organization XIII. You know why? Because the Organization said "there is no way in hell we are going to be in something so lame as Lion Land. Screw you."

Then Sora used his "I am Scar" voice and somehow managed to sound like Axel. It was so WTF that I momentarily forgot how much I hated the world.

Uh...Atlantica... I've blocked it out, to be honest. It was late and I tried to just focus on what button to push in order to clear the stupid musical minigames so I wouldn't have to hear anymore singing unless it was Utada Hikaru. (Organization XIII also said "there is no way in hell we are going to be in something so lame as mermaid happy land. Screw you." My respect for their evil non-Disney ways grows with each passing hour.)

To illustrate how unenjoyable the past couple hours of KH2 have been... the highlight was when mini-versions of the heroines from FFx-2 yelled at Sora and threatened to take all his items, then gave him a keyblade that was weaker than the one he has. That's right, Dolphin Sora and Lion Sora have out-lamed YuRiPa. The game I refused to play because its main protagonist went around filling out her GARMENT grid so she could transform a la Sailormoon into pretty clothes to do battle.

Oh, there's also Robin Hood, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Lady and the Tramp, 101 Dalmatians, Dumbo, The Aristocats, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Treasure Planet, The Fox and The Hound, The Great Mouse Detective, Atlantis, Finding Nemo, Toy Story, The Incredibles, The Computer Who Wore Tennis Shoes, the Parent Trap, Mary Poppins, Bedknobs and Broomsticks, and The Love Bug.

Really, Disney. There is no excuse for Lion Sora to ever torment me again.


Sorcha Chumomisto said...

i think incorporating bedknobs and broomsticks into a game would be incredible.

c.rooney said...

Yes, me too. :)