Saturday, January 06, 2007

Epiphany

As this is the first entry of the new year, some effort and thought has been put into. Truth be told, I've been a little under the weather since Boxing Day, and haven't been able to string thoughts together in any remotely interesting or coherent manner.

Well, various discussions have occurred on my frequently visited blogs. Some about goals. Some about suggestions of how to start out the year. Most concerning writing, publishing, or editing.

So here's something different.

I'm going to Japan in May. To see some friends I haven't seen in two years and eat chicken ramen to celebrate with them that they got married. I bought the ticket this morning.

If that means I don't get an agent because I was doing other things, I won't be losing any sleep over it.

Really amazing things have happened to some people I know because they have agents and their agents got them publishing deals, but really amazing things happen when you aren't published, too.

I tasted what it was like to get caught up in emphasizing what someone I'd never met on the other side of the country thought of my ability as a writer, and I didn't care for it. In fact, I hated it. I hated it so much that I started hating what I had written. So I stopped writing, which only served to make me miserable, bitter, and cruel. I haven't been a fantastic person to be around for the past couple months, and I apologize for that.

I forgot there is no deadline for publication. No one coming to my house in six months to shoot my dog if I don't have a contract of representation. The success of others around me is not a measurement by which to judge my success.

So, this year I'm going to write to meet my deadlines, because I am the only one who can make them for me. I'm going to write at least a chapter a week, a chapter that I like and I can call finished. I'm going to do that until there aren't anymore chapters to write. Then I'm going to start something new, and it doesn't matter if that's in March or October.

I'm going to try and find something to inspire me to write short pieces.

I'm going to be that obnoxiously enthusiastic cheerleader that I never was in high school. Because I may not be published, but some of you are or will be in mere months, and you can be sure that I will be telling everyone who'll listen to go read your books. I'll be turning them cover-out on the shelves when I see them. I'm going to make sure you don't doubt that you earned it, and I'm going to remind to you own it.

This year isn't about getting an agent or getting published. This year is about moments. The deep, sweet breaths during that pause while I look around and go "holy shit, right now I am content."

And that's a resolution worth keeping.

3 comments:

Katy said...

Well said, love. Well said.

Vicki Pettersson said...

Damn straight.
That's the best post I've read all year. (Okay, the year just started, but still.) And I still tell myself the same thing. It's all about the work.

Rae said...

Yeah it is