Thursday, January 07, 2010

What's happened so far...(Thursday Morning)

On Thursday morning, I was attacked by a Talky Face Pancake. Totally disrupted my breakfast and gave me a syrup burn when it tried to gum my arm.

Dante—whom everyone calls Andy for magical reasons we don’t need to get into—came to visit.

Dante and I embarked on a quest to find Stellina, who is who the pancake claimed to have been by.

Instead of finding Stellina, we found Maria. We were always going to find Maria instead of Stellina, but I didn’t tell you or Dante this.

Dante agreed to help Maria, a newcomer to the Twilight Lands, locate a place to live. We decided to try looking in Vancouver, which is one of your vanished cities.

In Vancouver, we realized Avalon was there. Avalon is my friend and Dante’s uncle.

When we found Avalon in a coffee place, we were attacked by Sconey MacScone. Sconey MacScone is a vile cranberry scone who spat dried cranberries at us. After Maria stabbed Sconey MacScone with a fork, the scone admitted that the former city of London sent it. And then the scone exploded. We were asked to leave the coffee place.

Not-Stellina told the former city of London that it’s my brother’s fault the former city was swallowed by the dream fields and is no longer a city. This was a lie. We’d like to find the former city of London to tell it this. Avalon felt the first step was to report the former city missing. Dante went with him. They’re now missing.

Maria and I were found by my cousin Neill—Dante’s Dad. If you’re confused as to who is related to whom and how, I will make this easy: Neill is Avalon’s older half-brother. Dante is Neill’s son. I am not related to Avalon.

Most recently, I was regaling Maria with the interesting tale of when I made friends with this dude named Lovecraft. He was sure he was having a dream, which is why he was all ‘Oh my, this is a most absurd dream.’ So I was all ‘Well, where I’m from is like a place in your dreams.’ He was all ‘My dreams are scary. They have shoggoths in them.’ I was like ‘Yeah, soap bubbles scare me, too. I don’t trust their sneaky popping.’

I told him about my world, the Twilight Lands, and how it defies human comprehension. On a regular basis. And he was like ‘Whoa, dude, that’s pretty scary.’ I was all like ‘Dude, I know. I’m from there, remember?’

Then he was all like ‘Dude, you know what really scares me? I mean like for serious? Time. I am so scared of time. It makes me feel insignificant and like I’m gonna die without really have accomplished anything.’ I was all like ‘Dude, that sucks. There’s no time where I’m from.’ He was all like ‘Whoa, dude, wait. You’re like from…beyond time?’ And I was like ‘Damn Skippy Peanut Butter, I sure am.’

Naturally, this led him to be very much like ‘Whoa, dude, who are you?’ And I was ‘I’m an Old One, dude. We’re totally awesome Elder Gods who have been and will be long after you’re dust. Do you want to play Rock Band with me or what?’

You doubt Lovecraft talked like that. You’re thinking, E—because you’re under the mistaken pretense that we’re friends or I like you and therefore you can call me E—Dude, seriously, Lovecraft would have never been that succinct. He would have rambled on for paragraphs. He did. But I’m paraphrasing what he said so that you don’t have to read all his inane babble about time and tentacles. Little HP had a serious grudge against a bad plate of calamari.

Now you’re thinking, Ethan—because you remember I never said you could call me E—Dude, seriously, you never told us you knew HP Lovecraft. You’re right. I didn’t. I’m just making sure you’re paying attention. Some people would be lazy and just read a summary so they didn’t have to read the actual blog entries.

8 comments:

Chandra Rooney said...

He beat you at Rock Band, didn't he?

Sarah K said...

I was so hoping that the bit about Lovecraft was just Ethanael getting confused and telling bits of story from a previous Thursday.

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

Chandra Rooney said...

I fixed that typo you found Sarah. E would thank you, but y'know, that's not what he does.

Ethanael said...

I am not good at Rock Band. Can't hear its music over all the other music. Lovecraft is worst. There is a lack of Rock Band when he is.

We did not meet on a Thursday. We met on a Tuesday night.

Anonymous comments are lame.

Chandra Rooney said...

I assumed the anonymous comment was legit because it was in English and didn't contain a link to a Baiaguru site.

Ethanael said...

The lameness has nothing to do with content. Lameness = inability to sign a name for response.

I'd suggest it was a pancake trying to silence my brave retelling of their vileness, but there's a disturbing lack of punctuation.

Anonymous said...

nice post. thanks.