Sunday, November 04, 2012

State of Grace

I'd say I don't know where October went, but this is becoming a pattern and I do know where it went; I just didn't realize it had gone so quickly.

It went to Thanksgiving, and the Beautiful Reread (rereading The Caster Chronicles in preparation for Beautiful Redemption's release); it went to rediscovering what's important and what stands between importance and action, and it went to being reminded that there is a whole collection of people who want me to be happy.

Also, I listened to a whole lot of Taylor Swift and went to an IOFA event featuring Cory Doctorow and China Mieville. I am now a little in love with China Mieville who presents as an incredibly thoughtful, eloquent man of words.

This first bit of November was spent at World Fantasy and the Blog Ontario Meet Up—and spent being reminded there is a whole world of people who are doing what they love. And feeling like anything is possible again.

World Fantasy last year was tough for me, it was the beginning of the great discontent, and I didn't walk into it open-hearted or handed. Fortunately some of the things that happened last year were too marvelous to be defeated by a little pessimism, but this year was... it was like visiting friends. Obviously my feeling included has to do with the location being Ontario and that I've been meeting more and more of the Ontario SF/F community over the past year.

I got a reading spot. I haven't read since the TNRD library tour (2010), and I haven't read at con level since Montreal (2009.) And I missed it—I really, really missed it. I forgot I'm good at it. (Sort of like how I forgot I'm good at events until I helped out at Chapters Brampton in September.)

When we don't practice, we don't forget how to do something—we forget our confidence in our ability to do it. (These are not the same.) Maybe we don't even forget, maybe we just misplace it. It's like misplacing happiness during a rough patch. You know you had it, and you're relatively certain you'll find it again, you just sometimes feel like you've looked everywhere.

During the autograph session, I met a woman and her husband who come looking for me to tell me how much she had enjoyed my reading. And I really hope I wasn't dismissive to her, because I was a little overwhelmed and really hope that thank you expressed all the things that I couldn't.

In fact, all of WFC was a lot of feeling like the community was saying "oh hey girl, we haven't seen you in a while. Welcome back."

Good conversations at WFC—interesting ones about the purpose of Hummer stretch limos after the apocalypse or metaphysics or how the lake beds in Australia often need to be mowed.

Also, Brian Hades appeared and offered a group of us having a hallway party apple pie around 1:30 am. If you know Brian, you know this is exactly the kind of thing that he would do. I met him probably... oh it must be nearly ten years ago in at the Shuswap Writers Festival; he was one of the first publishing professionals to believe that I might have something.

My point is, this path is twisting and long and most of the traveling we do of it is never seen by the people who will become your readers.

My other point is that sometimes you look around and realize you're surrounded by your people and you didn't notice because you were surrounded.

No comments: